"The Head Punches Of A Friend Can Be Trusted..."

Last week, I had the privilege of training with John B., who is a friend of mine who has an extensive background in competitive kickboxing and mixed martial arts. We were working on a combination where I would throw a left hook to his head followed by a right leg kick. As we were practicing the combination, John pointed out that I was continually dropping my right hand as I threw the leg kick, leaving my head very exposed. I asked him to go ahead and pop me everytime I dropped my right hand...and he did. It only took a few times of him landing a clean left hook to my head that I started learning to get my right hand up and protect my head. Fortunately, he wasn't hitting me full-on or he very well may have knocked me out (even with head gear on) but he was hitting me hard enough for me to know that I had been hit and hard enough for me not to want to be hit anymore.

As I thought about our training, a scripture passage in Proverbs that says, "The wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" kept running through my mind. I greatly appreciated the fact that my buddy was letting me have it because I knew that he was actually looking out for me. From his experience, he knew how important it was to make me protect myself so that when I faced an opponent who actually wanted to knock my head off, I'd be ready.

I'm pretty sure that as men, we need to surround ourselves with guys like my friend John. Guys who are willing to 'hook' us in the head with statements like "hey man, I see you spending a lot of time with that lady and she's not your wife...what's up with that?" or "dude, you're out playing golf or hanging with your buddies almost every weekend and when you are home, you're buried in the t.v. or your computer...if you keep it up your kids are going to be grown up and gone and you'll have nothing but regret." These hooks might hurt initially but in the long run, they'll force us to get our guard up so that we don't get knocked out.

The Gospel According To Imi Lichtenfeld

Not long after the first Karate Kid movie came out in the eighties, I'm pretty sure that there was a huge epidemic of butt kickings. Let me play out the scenario for you...kid goes to movie, said kid is inspired to learn martial arts and begins to take classes at local dojo, kid learns a wide variety of katas and forms and builds a false sense of self confidence, kid gets into fight with football player thinking that he will overwhelm football player with a whirlwind of spinning round house kicks and crane form, football player slams kid to the ground and beats him senseless. Have you heard that story before?

This type of scenario is one of the reasons that the a form of martial arts called Krav Maga was created. If you have ever seen a Jason Bourne movie then you have seen many of the techniques and efficient brutality utilized in Krav Maga. This type of efficiency and simplicity is what drew me to and started me on the journey of learning this martial art. I have only been at it for about 4 months now but as I have been studying Krav Maga, I can't help but notice a correlation to the story of Jesus and the new "system" that he exemplified and taught.

To make this correlation, let me first explain Krav Maga's history and origins. Krav Maga is a fighting style that was developed by Imi Lichtenfeld in the early 1930's. Lichtenfeld had a background in boxing and wrestling but came to realize that, because of their complexity, those fighting systems in their pure forms did not translate well to a street fight scenario so he created a fighting style that was built on efficiency and natural human movement. In essence he took away all of the complicated forms and systems and created a fighting style that was compact, efficient, and highly effective which is the reason that it is being taught to special forces and law enforcement agencies all over the world. Ultimately, Imi Lichtenfeld created a fighting style that actually worked in a real fight.

And that's what makes me think of Jesus. Jesus came into a context where Judaism had become a really complex system of laws and rituals. There were very specific laws for every single minute detail of life. This system of laws was initially given by God (though this was not God's final plan for man's salvation) in a simpler form but Israel's religious leadership found a way to greatly complicate it by adding countless "fence" laws on top of laws on top of laws....basically, you had a system that was so complex that it no longer applied to real life.

....and then you have Jesus...who comes telling stories instead of implementing systems. You have Jesus talking about love and then demonstrating love by healing the societal outcasts and spending time with the city's "low lifes" and "losers"...You have Jesus simplifying the entire religious system down to two requirements.. "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength...and love your neighbor as yourself. All of the law and prophets hang on these two commandments.." Basically, Jesus was showing us a way of living that was in line with our natural human movement, a way that works in real life...simple not sophisticated....relational not religious.

Ultimately, you have Jesus speaking and then embodying these words; "greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends...and I have called you friend". The need for salvation could not be remedied with a system...the need for salvation can only be remedied by a Savior.

Tower of Babel

This morning I watched a news report on a young man who has an incredibly powerful mind and is able to memorize massively lengthy numbers (memorized Pi = 3.141592653589..... after one look) after only seeing them once and he was able to learn Icelandic, which is one of the planet's most difficult languages to learn, in only a week. One of the things mentioned in that report is that, after monitoring and testing his brain, scientists found that the different sections of his brain worked together as opposed how most brains work where the different sections of the brain work separately from each other.

In some strange way, this news report made me think of the biblical account of the Tower of Babel where, after seeing the progress man was making in technological innovation, God caused men to longer speak the same language which brought about ensuing chaos. I wonder if that is where God simply "flipped a switch" in the mind which caused it to stop working as a cohesive unit. I have often heard that scientists have calculated that we only use about 20% of the minds capacity and there is another 80% that basically remains a mystery. Maybe there was a time where man was able utilize the full 100% of the brain's capacity and God decided to dumb men down a notch or two..

So why would God do something like that? Why would God figuratively make us function with "one hand tied behind our backs"? Did He feel threatened? Was He afraid that we might build a tower to heaven and find that He was just "the man behind the curtain"? I'm pretty sure that that is not the case...so why would God purposely shut down the potential of something that He had created?

Maybe God saw where such innovation could lead when mixed with a fallen nature. What if God decided that it was too early in the history of the world for man to figure out how to make an atomic bomb? What if He clearly saw that we would, through our industry mixed with our greed, destroy our surroundings and eventually destroy ourselves long before God had deemed that time to come. Maybe He wasn't ready to watch his precious creatures die a viciously slow and painful death from cancers that were caused by chemicals and toxins that we had synthesized.

It just might be that the whole Tower of Babel incident was one more incredible act of God's mercy and kindness towards a people who were too stupid to see that they were too smart for their own good..

Flowers

A while back, I stopped into Starbucks to ...well, to simply purchase happiness. Liquid happiness. while there, a lady in her fifties walked in with flowers and gave it to one of the baristas behind the counter. She said something like "your 21st birthday is a big deal...happy birthday". and that was it and she left.

I could tell by the response of the young lady behind the counter that this lady was not a family member or a close friend or anyone else that one would expect to get flowers from on their birthday. I think the gift bearer was simply a regular customer who thought that birthdays are big deals (especially 21st birthdays). The young lady was in tears at such a sweet and thoughtful gesture.. and to be honest..I also was in tears because it was such a profoundly beautiful moment.

I don't know if the lady who brought the flowers was a christian or not, but her kindness made me realize how pitifully rare it is that christians are known for such deeds. I'm afraid that it is more common for a Starbucks employee to watch a customer who has just chewed them out at the drive through drive off with a big fat fish symbol or a lame christian bumper sticker on the back of their car. I know that there are believers out there who are an exception to that perception but shouldn't kindness be one of the most common characteristics of those who claim the name christian. Kindness is, after all, one of the fruits of the Spirit (a.k.a. expected personality traits). I think we should be people who are known for buying flowers for strangers on their birthdays (and not so that we can attach a gospel track to the flowers) just because we want to just make a big deal of their birthday in case no one else has...

Robots

I remember getting my first robot when I was a child. It basically was this really crude remote control robot that tried to walk but really just sort of wobbled back and forth. It is amazing how far robotic technology has advanced since the days of that first robotic toy (though the toy was definitely not on the cutting edge of technology even then).

Today I watched an excerpt on TED.com about robots and the seven 'species' that have recently been developed. (http://www.ted.com/talks/dennis_hong_my_seven_species_of_robot.html) It is absolutely astonishing to see the technological advances that have been made recently. The new robots can navigate over almost any terrain, they can stand up and sit down, and one particular robot can actually play the game of soccer independent of anyone controlling it remotely. One of the species utilizes a spider or crab like structure using multiple legs. Another species uses mechanics wrapped in a rubber skin and through a series of pinching and expanding movement, is able to move itself. The robotic movements of these different varieties are triggered by everything from electronic impulse to air compression to chemical reaction.

What's ironic about the future of these robots is that the inspiration for their engineering comes from very ancient design. I think the term 'species' is very accurate because all of the robots borrow the physics, motion, and mechanics of creatures already found in the natural world. Think about it, of all of the possible "out of the box" thinking and engineering that man is capable of, he is being forced to realize that the most practical and efficient engineering comes from nature or creation (which implies a creator) that has been there from the beginning.

In watching the brilliance of how the engineers had gotten each robot to move, I think about my own body and all of the amazing things that happen in just taking a step or breathing. There are movements being triggered by electronic impulse, chemical reaction, and air compression all at once... and all of that is through biological and organic means.

All of this just reminds me of how incomprehensibly brilliant God is and when comparing today's robots to the subtleties and complexity of the human body, I begin to see today's technology in a light that is not unlike the way I see that first primitive toy robot that I had as a child...

Romans 1:20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

The Problem With "Bad Guys"

As I have watched my four year old son play with his action figures, I have realized that he is subconsciously aware of the universal "norm" that there are always good guys and bad guys. I'm not sure how my son decides who the bad guys and good guys are (he often completely disregards the suggestion of the packaging that the action figure came in that clearly tells you whether they are a good or bad guy) but within a few minutes of playing, there is a distinct separation of good verses evil and the battle begins.

"Bad Guys" is such an elusive concept these days. Everybody believes that there are good guys and bad guys in this world but I'm pretty sure that everybody believes that they are the good guys and nobody believes that they are the "bad guys". So who are the bad guys? In the old "western" movies, it seems like the bad guys at least knew that they were the bad guys. Many of them wore black as if to say "I am wearing the official uniform of the bad guys because deep down in my heart I know that I am a bad guy"...but maybe that's just the movies...maybe there's never been a time where the bad guys knew that they were bad guys.

In our modern era of "a diagnosis for everything", we all have a reason for everything that we do. If I cheat on my wife, I have a sexual addiction. If I murder someone, I had a difficult upbringing and "acted out" in rage or I had to kill him/her before he/she had the chance to kill me. If I charge exorbitant prices or cheat a customer, it's because I saw everyone around me making the same kinds of compromises and it's just what you have to do to be "competitive".

The funny thing is, I'm not dismissing any of these justifications as "psychobabble" or anything like that and in many ways, we make similar decisions on a daily basis just maybe to a lesser degree. I understand how addictions and past experiences can very much influence and shape what we do today. We just all have our own reasons (in our minds) for doing what we do. But this again leads us back to the problem of "bad guys". If none of us think that we are inherently bad and have just made a few bad decisions along the way, then who are the "bad guys"? Do the "bad guys" officially become bad guys once they make the news? Did the the Tiger Woods's and the Enron's of the world become bad guys once they got caught but we're still good guys because we didn't get caught for making the same type of decisions?

Maybe the starting point for us as humans is to realize that none of us are the "good guys". I think anyone who is completely honest with his or her self has to come to the conclusion that without outside help, we really are broken inside and we are all the "bad guys". ..and maybe if we just added the word "too" to the end of our "he or she is a bad is a bad guy" judgements, we might find ourselves on the first step of our journey in becoming one of the "good guys".

Romans 3:23 (New International Version)
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

"Things I'd Go To Jail For.."

Being from the south, there is a saying that I've heard and I've actually said that goes something like this.."there's a few things I will go to jail for". Basically, that saying comes in the context of some good ole boy talking about something that someone has done to or said about his wife/girlfriend; or it might come in the context of how he is going to deal with young men mistreating his daughter when she is of "dating age". Basically, the saying implies that there are some situations that I feel so strongly about that I am willing to go to jail for my actions that may come in response to that situation.

There is a very short list of things that I would be willing to go to jail for. I'll mention a couple. Like most, if not all, men, If someone messes (and by 'messes' I mean tries to bring physical harm to) with my wife or my kids, I would be willing to go to jail for the consequences of my actions in defense of them (God forbid that situation ever happen). It's a no brainer because as a man, there is a very deep and primal anger that arises at the thought of someone bringing harm to your family.

Recently, I read a Facebook post that basically dealt with the poster's (my word for "he who posts") desire for people to stop bashing the Bride of Christ (the church). It reminded me of an area in which God has had to deal with me in the past. You see, I like to think of myself as having a "prophetic disposition" but most of the time that simply translates to me having a critical spirit. I have spoken critically about other churches and things that I observe in their methodology and I have also spoken critically and even mockingly about other believers and spiritual leaders. And just so you understand the nature of my criticism, it's very rarely "gossip" issues that I am being critical of; sometimes it's things that I feel strongly about and maybe even perceive as being unbiblical (based on my understanding and interpretation).

But, God clearly spoke to me on this issue in terms that any husband or father can understand. He basically pointed out to me those those churches and individuals that I had spoken critically of were both His Bride and His kids....and I immediately understood the seriousness of this offense.

Thankfully, this metaphor breaks down (as does every spiritual metaphor at some point) because I also am both the Bride of Christ (as a man I'll never fully understand that concept on this side of eternity) and a child of God. How all that works, I don't know but what I do know is that I definitely don't want to be the guy badmouthing the wife and kids of God Almighty and be the cause of Him making any form of "things I'd go to jail for" statement (and here is the part where the metaphor implodes completely because of the ridiculousness of the thought of God uttering any kind of southernism...especially that one).

What if Bible Studies Were Badges?

Recently, I was in a conversation with a fellow pastor on our staff and he was sharing with me something that a mutual friend of ours had said in a conversation with him. She basically asked "what is up with you suburbanites and your quiet times?".

He responded, "what do you mean?"

"Well, I read the bible once and I closed it and I knew what I needed to do."

Basically, what she was saying was that she didn't see the need to read anymore until she had first acted on what she had already read...and for most of her adult life, she and her husband have chosen to live among the poorest of the poor in the inner city ministering and embodying the Gospel in that environment.

I'm not sure that I am in complete agreement with all of the implications of her statement of "I read it once" (and I am pretty sure she was just making a point and has read the Bible multiple times throughout her journey) but there is a poignant truth in what she is saying and I want to follow that trail for a moment.

In our present Christian culture we have access to some amazing Bible study resources. We have seen great men and women of God such as Henry Blackaby and Beth Moore publish incredibly insightful resources to help us further understand God's word. But, one possibly dangerous mindset that I have observed in myself and in others, is a badge mentality where if we were wearing our Christian uniform, it would be covered with all of these badges that show which bible studies we have completed and subtly, we would take great pride in our vast array of badges. We would have the "Experiencing God" badge prominently displayed on our sleeve and our "Purpose Driven Life" badge hanging off of our shoulder and our chest would be pimped out with a wide mix of Beth Moore and Max Lucado badges...

But here's the problem with badges. If I was in the military and I am wearing an "Expert" level rifle badge, then I am expected to be highly competent with a rifle and be able to fully act on all that the badge implies (marksmanship, assembly and disassembly, maintenance, etc.). If I am wearing the "Airborne" badge then it can be safely assumed that I have jumped out of a plane countless numbers of times and have mastery over every aspect of jumping out of a plane (jumping, landing, shoot preparation, shoot packing, etc.). And If I am to have the privilege of wearing a "Ranger" badge then I can be relied on to be able to and have had experience in carrying out any expectation of a highly elite soldier (the list is too long...think Rambo) and there would be a deep respect for what I have had to endure in order to wear that badge.

What if those same expectations were put on us? What if the accountability that we are held to rises with each Bible study that we have completed? I'm not sure if that's the case but it does make me wonder if I should go back and re-read some of the things I've read to make sure that I am actually trying to live out what I have read.

Here's the thing. I am not in any way being critical of the bible studies that have been written by people like Beth Moore and Henry Blackaby and based on what I know of them and their incredible integrity and honesty, they are only able to publish those Bible studies because they themselves have lived the content more than any of us realize. In many ways, those bible studies really are their own personal badges of testimony to what God has walked them through.

I also don't think we need to stop utilizing the Bible studies and more importantly, we never need to stop studying the Bible...but, maybe we need to lower the quantity of our intake in the same way that you would stop taking as many vitamins because most of them are just passing through and out the body because the body can only absorb so much at a time.

Maybe we should slow down and really chew on how we can live out the information that we now have. I know that for me, there's a lot of Bible studies that I have checked off of my list and stuck on my chest as one more badge I've earned when in truth, I couldn't tell you half of what the content of the Bible study was much less know that I have proficiently acted on the knowledge that I gained from it. I know I'm under grace and I'm so thankful for that but I also know that we as believers will still be held accountable for what we know and what we did with that knowledge....I'm thinking it would probably would wise for me to take some (maybe all) badges off of my uniform of pride and just ask God to help me to get better at acting on what I already know..

Muscle Memory

I have recently begun to fulfill a lifelong dream of studying the martial arts on an official level. No more practicing Chuck Norris round-house kicks that I saw on T.V. in front of the mirror and and no more conversations with the guys where I talk about fighting as if I have actually had any kind of experience...I am now officially going to a martial arts school (http://www.thetrainingedge.com/) to learn from highly qualified teachers and I am loving every minute of it.

The particular form of martial arts that I am studying is more of a self-defense style. It is built on the concept of reacting and counteracting an other's aggression and because the whole premise of this style is reactive, one's response must be completely reflexive and mindless. In other words, your response absolutely has to be built into muscle memory and the instructor's have clearly demonstrated that the only way to build anything into muscle memory is repetition....a ridiculous amount of repetition.

Through the process of building muscle memory in the martial arts, I have begin to realize that that whole concept translates into so many other facets of life. Greatness in any area of life comes through the mundane repetition of rehearsal. Great musicians have spent countless hours rehearsing scales so that they have built into their muscle memory an expansive vocabulary of note possibilities that allow them to react to any musical situation. Great authors have spent hours writing stories, songs, commentaries, etc. that no one will never read because those unpublicized efforts are the road to writing the great efforts worthy of publication. Great actors have spent countless hours doing acting exercises and watching each and every facial expression in the mirror to see what it communicates verses what they intend to communicate so that when they are on the stage or screen, they don't even have to think about whether the face is communicating accurately because they know that they have spent the time necessary to master each and every expression.

I think the concept of muscle memory also translates to the christian life. So often, I think we as believers just assume that we are going to react in just the right way at the right time knowing exactly what to say. We daydream about how we would share Jesus with the masses with our best Billy Graham altar call and yet we can't even invite our neighbor to church because we're afraid that they might not invite us to the neighbor hood parties anymore. As husbands we like to think that we would ride in on a shiny white horse to give our lives to save our bride and yet we can't get off the couch and help her clean the kitchen and get the kids to bed. Even as I have begun to get more serious about scripture memory, I have found that the only way to memorize God's word is through the monotonous drudgery of handwriting verses over and over again.

When I think about the necessity of muscle memory in my life, I have both an anxious and hopeful reaction. I am anxious because I realize that none of the things that I daydream about will ever just "happen". The greatness of my reaction will be determined by what I am doing today.

But I am also hopeful because I realize that anyone can be great. There is no magic formula. Greatness can be achieved by anyone who is willing to submit to the process of mundane repetition and daily exercise in the little things. It's really just that easy. And who knows, maybe someday we might actually get to live out the daydream of rescuing our wife from bad guys with our sweet chuck norris moves, while quoting an entire chapter of the book of John....now that would be awesome.

A Hopefully Useful Answer To A Seemingly Useless Question

I always get a little nervous any time a spiritual leader (pastor, teacher, or professor) opens themselves up to an "open question" format. The reason for my apprehension is that, in my seminary experience, I spent a lot of time with "that guy". You know, the guy who LIVES for open question time because he will then get to ask a question that he believes no one has the answer for. Questions like "Did Adam have a belly button?", or "Where did Cain's wife come from?", or the all-time genius stumper "Can God make a rock so big that he can't move it?"...These questions are, more often than not, a total waste of time but in my A.D.D. mental wanderings, I have actually wrestled with that last question and I think have an answer for the age old question of God being able to make a rock so big that He can't move it....so here goes..

drum roll please....

Answer: Yes, God could make a rock so big that He couldn't move it...and then...He'd move it. Allow me to defend this answer.

God could make a rock that is so big, that He, at that moment in time, could not move it....and then He'd simply decide to expand in strength and move it. Basically, in any area, be it strength, wisdom, power, or any other trait, God can reach his greatest "limit" and then just will Himself to be more. It's the very same way that God can make snow flake after snow flake and never run out of new designs. It's also the same way that God can make human after human and never replicate himself. Ultimately, it's the way that God never runs out of new ways to meet our needs no matter how impossible the circumstances seem. He's God and He just never runs out of being God.

I'm pretty sure that God doesn't spend a lot of time on this whole "make a rock too big and then move it" drill but I'm glad to know that He can anytime He wants...

Mary...moms will be moms

John 4:3 - 5 When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said "They have no more wine".

"Dear woman, why do you involve me" Jesus replied, "my time has not yet come."

His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."

This passage cracks me up. It is such a sweet picture of Mary. Jesus very respectfully tells his mother that the time for his glory to be revealed has not yet come and Mary seems to just completely disregard her son's statement. In a modern day context, I can almost hear Mary say with a very New York Jewish accent "I don't care if you are the Savior of the World...I'm still your Muthah!!"...and amazingly, Jesus honors his mother's request.

I don't think that Jesus honors his mother's request just because she is his mother and is simply obeying the fifth commandment or that he's afraid that she might pitch a fit and make a scene. Jesus may have decided to honor his mom's request based on what she didn't say.

By going to Jesus with this problem, Mary is giving evidence that she knows who her son really is because the problem at hand is a problem that can only be solved miraculously. She goes to Jesus because she believes he is the only one capable of a miracle. Simultaneously, she is acknowledging both his divinity as the Messiah and his humanity as her son...a son who greatly loves his mom. Jesus clearly demonstrates this love when he sees his mom's concern about the wine shortage and how it might reflect on the bride and bridegroom (who were more than likely friends or family) and makes it his problem to solve regardless of whether or not it was time to reveal his deity.

As a son, Jesus shows us how much he loved and honored his mom in this passage; giving us a tender glimpse of an adult son still honoring the request of his momma.

As the Son of God, Jesus gives one of many evidences to come that He has a soft spot for honoring the requests of those who truly believe in Him and will meet their needs no matter how inconvenient the timing or how impossible the circumstance.

Song Leader

One of the terms that is very rarely used anymore to describe my role in ministry is song leader. Maybe it's not used much anymore because it smells of hymn books and church pews but the more and more I wrestle with what I do, the more comfortable I am with that term.

When I think of the title "Song Leader" I think of my grandfather, Papa (pronounced PawPaw). Papa was the song leader in his church. He would get up every Sunday and lead the congregation; singing songs out of the hymnal. He had a good voice but not a great voice. He didn't play an instrument but was able to rely on the church pianist (or maybe organist..I don't remember) to accompany his singing. Papa wasn't on the church staff but was there at the church almost as much as the Pastor simply because he loved serving. Papa didn't have a seminary education (his education experience only went as far as fifth grade because he was forced to work in a Civilian Conservation Corps Camp to help feed his family) but he offered what gifts he had to serve the church.

I think what Papa did is the purest expression of what a worship leader/pastor is...a song leader. Papa was on the stage to facilitate worship but the congregation knew that the act of worship through singing was their responsibility (maybe that is one of the great aspects of a hymn book. By it's physical presence in each row, there is an implication that each person is obliged to carry out their act of worship through song). There was not a choir or a praise team to worship on behalf of the congregation, that responsibility was the church's and the song leader was just there to keep everything moving and encourage the people on those mornings where it was just hard to sing.

At my church, we utilize a choir and a praise team and a full band and all of the technical bells and whistles that many churches are utilizing these day so I am not speaking judgementally towards the "megachurch" worship style (whatever that is) because we are one. In fact, when used properly, all of those things greatly facilitate an environment that is conducive to worship. But I also see a very subtle mindset that can slip in where those of us who are in the worship ministry (which technically, the congregation is the worship ministry..thanks Jeremiah Halstead for that) begin to think that we are the modern day Levites who worship on behalf of the congregation even though the New Testament clearly tells us that we are a priesthood of believers and we all have the responsibility of worshipping and ministering to our God.

In a culture where song leaders have become worship leaders who have become 'worship artists', I think we can travel a great distance from the purest form of worship facilitation.

I think the question that nags me most is "do I have a place for someone like Papa (in his Polyester suit and coke bottle bottom thick glasses) in my worship ministry?" or would I require him to wear skinny jeans and an unnecessary neck scarf (thanks to http://www.stuffchristianslike.net/ for that imagery) to fit into the worship culture at my church...

Buddies

Today was a hard day for my three year old son Zac. This is the first day that he will be at pre-school without his best buddy Coop. Coop's dad is a football coach and he has taken a coaching job on the other side of the country and so, on Saturday night, we all said very tearful goodbyes and my son said farewell to his best buddy.

This morning, on the way to pre-school, Zac said to me through tears, "Daddy, I'm not going to have a best buddy anymore." I was overwhelmed by his feeling of loneliness and amazed at a three year olds capacity for such sadness. I did the best thing I knew to do and took him to get chocolate milk and a bagel (which is the closest thing to "having a beer" for a three year old) and told him that I would be his buddy today. He accepted my feeble substitution...at least for this morning.

It is remarkable to think that two three year olds could have such a strong bond. Zac and Coop were together almost everyday of every week for about the last year and a half. They are pretty much the blond-haired and black-haired version of the same kid.....inseparable. They fight from time to time and even after leaving on bad terms or in a fight, within hours, they are always ready to get together and play again. It is sad indeed to see such a great friendship seperated by such distance. They will see each other from time to time and will remain friends but the reality is that it is very hard to stay best buddies when you live in two seperate parts of the country.

Zac, I am so sorry that your best friend had to move away. I do hope, though, that you will not grow up and forget how to have a best buddy because a lot of boys grow up and become men and somehow they don't know how to have a best buddy anymore. You'll always need best friends and you'll always need to know how to be a best friend. Thanks for reminding your dad what it looks like to have a best buddy.

As a husband, which superhero are you?

After 13 years of marriage, and doing a limited amount of counseling in other marriages, I have come to realize that women are still, deep in their hearts, little girls who dream about being rescued by their knight in shining armor or their superhero...which made me start to wonder..what kind of super hero would I be? here are some possible options...

1. The Incredible Hulk - the quiet brooding type, strong and fearless in a crisis. Hulk husband makes a wife feel safe and protected in any situation. Hulks only weakness is that he is not exactly a conversationalist. When not using communication techniques such as grunts and gutteral noises, the Hulk husband will use full sentences such as "Hulk hungry" or ,when angry, "Hulk mad", and will use "Hulk fine" to describe every and all other emotions.

2. Iron Man - Iron man is the "Mr. Fix it" guy. There is no problem on the face of the earth that cannot be fixed with some form of ingenuity whether it be purchased or homemade (which is usually the preferred choice). Iron man is extremely handy and can do whatever his wife needs done around the house whether that me home repair or home re-modeling. His only downside is that he can't "fixer up" in every situation..Ex: "What? You don't feel beautiful...let me build you a treadmill."

3. Green Lantern - Ahhh. Mr. Bling. For all of you who are not familiar with Green Lantern, all of his power emanates from the ring that he wears. It is a special ring from outer space that gives him special powers. Every woman has a place in her heart for the man who understands the power of jewelry. Green Lantern is the king of special occasions and always knows how to find the perfect gift for his lady. The only downside to Green Lantern is that he relies to heavily on the bling and when it is gone, he doesn't know how to be a superhero anymore.

4. Mr. Fantastic - Mr. Fantastic is just that...fantastic. Because of his body's ability to stretch and form into anything he wants, he can be all things to all people. Mr. Fantastic is a very public superhero and he is the guy that any wife could be proud of. Because of his flexibility, he never gets bent out of shape and he is a joy to live with. He is very sensitive to his wife's needs and is very good at being who she needs at the right time. His only struggle is remembering his original form and identity and not trying to take on too many shapes at one time...

5. Superman - We all know that Superman can pretty much do it all. He flies, he's superstrong, he's got x-ray vision, and when he's not being superman, he's takes on his humble, brainy identity of Clark Kent. He can pretty much do it all...but that is also his biggest weakness (besides Kryptonite, of course). Because he can do it all, he is often blind to his need for others in his life. Superman husband doesn't have a lot of superhero friends and also has a hard time allowing himself to even need his wife. His self-sufficiency can also make it very hard for him to seek or recieve counsel from anyone...He is Superman afterall..

6. Batman - The Caped Crusader...What wife wouldn't want her husband to come with awesome sound effects everytime he does something awesome. BLAM!! POWEE!! and a dozen roses are waiting for you at the office. KABLOWEE!! SHABLAM!! and a beautiful dinner is waiting for you when you get home.... Batman is awesome cause he has a whole belt full of gadgets. In fact, Batman doesn't even have any super human powers...he's just really good with all of his cool toys. Batman's only weakness is that he's completely reliant on his toys. You can be having a romantic dinner and all of the sudden, Batman is reaching for his utility belt and begins texting on his communicator (or cell phone)...there may not even be an emergency..he just doesn't know how to function without his gadgets..

which superhero are you?